Why I Could Never Be a Locavore in One Word: Bubblegum

To be a locavore, it’s possible that I might be able to give up tomatoes out of season.

Bananas, yes. Of course.

And really who seriously cares about kiwis?

But bubblegum is another matter. I do not believe that ‘gum base’ grows in my area.

If it did, I could be locavore. I could make my own bubble gum.

Then I could get a bumper sticker and put it on my car so everyone would know.

I’d tool around here and there in my car while blowing bubbles, placing my earnest gaze with a gentle hint of ever-so-slight underlying contempt upon those who know no better. But not too much. Gas miles to food consumption and foodie show-off factor – there is an algebraic formula that must be followed, of course.

Those glorious huge perfect pink bubbles would be emerging from my lips, as I turned my head right and left (and once in a while backwards as much as possible) so that all could see the gently glowing orbs the color of ballet slippers that would add just the right touch of glamour to my personal aura.

Pop! One would shatter, and quickly I’d have to be sure there was no elephantine flap of flattened pink gum hanging over sideways onto my chin. Then right on to the next bubble!

It’s but a dream, though. I haven’t made my own bubblegum yet.

But will it come out as good as DoubleBubble? As good as Bazooka? Where will my little comics come from that fit inside the wrap? These are small questions, really – in the face of my own potential artisan bubble gum, my own possible locavorism that will ring with absolutist purity in the Face of the Industrial Machine.

Pardon me. I must go think, and think deeply. And I will, right after I shove several of these shiny new bubble gum pieces into my mouth and have a popping spree.


Image Source: foto_decadent/Tim Walker/UK Vogue December 2008/Tales of the Unexpected/The Marvellous Mischievious Magical World of Roald Dahl


6 thoughts on “Why I Could Never Be a Locavore in One Word: Bubblegum

  1. Bubble gum notwithstanding, everybody used to be a locavore, but nobody really liked it.

    Everybody used to live in dank dark caves too, but they didn’t care for that much either.

  2. Certainly we on the Internet by definition have moved beyond the local bubble of communication, locavocal. (Not to be confused with LocalTalk -tm, but threatening to devolve into a crazed, all-devouring locovocal.)

  3. I don’t hold any pretention about becoming a locavore, and why would I want to? Yes, many things I buy are local and seasonal, but I am just as happy to keep everyone in business and buy my imported coffee beans, etc. This locavore business is a bit too impertinent and plain SILLY for my plebeian taste.

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